Too much social media is one reason.Here are 5 ways to help our daughters
balance technology and well-being.
arah, a mom I know, worries
about whether her teen daughter’s
constant phone use is a problem.
“She seems so distant even though we
are in the same house. She is always on
her phone, in a world that I am not a
part of. I don’t know how to connect
with my own daughter.”
Sound familiar? Have these thoughts
crossed your mind more than once?
Sarah (and you!) are not alone.
Connecting with your teenager has
always been a challenge, but there’s no
question that smartphones and social
media have added extra obstacles. And
with depression rates soaring in teens
over the past 10 years, especially for
girls, that need for parents to be
connected with their children is more
important than ever.
Read more: How Technology in
Schools Harms Our Kids
In just 10 years, depression in teens has
gone up significantly — and the rates
for girls have now reached historically
high rates. Tracking study subjects
over a 12-month period, depression
increased among girls from about 13
percent in 2005 to about 17 percent in
2014. The increase was much lower
among boys, rising from about 4
percent in 2005 to about 6 percent in
2014.
And that’s even excluding risk factors
such as family economic status and
substance abuse. The study out of Johns
Hopkins didn’t successfully identify
other risk factors that could possibly
account for this sharp rise in
depression, but the authors suggested a
potential link with technology and social
media use, particularly among teenage
girls. Teens today are more
technologically connected than ever
before, spending increasingly more time
communicating with peers through text
messages, social media, and instant
messenger apps. And which gender
reports higher use of visually-oriented
social media — such as Instagram and
Snapchat? Girls.
“Technology and social media send
constant reminders of how you should
look, talk, dress,” says child and
adolescent psychologist Marion Wallace,
assistant professor of the University of
Alabama School of Medicine. “There’s
an unspoken standard, one that’s
unrealistic and unhealthy.” Wallace
says those constant reminders can lead
to feelings of inadequacy and
hopelessness in teen girls. “Helping our
girls conceptualize their worth in
domains outside of physical attraction is
the first step in developing stable high
esteem and combating depression.”
Read more: Note to college kids:
Your social media behavior can
cost you a scholarship
In this hyper-connected, media-
saturated culture, distraction can
become an easy coping technique
during times of stress.While this can
help girls feel better and less tense in
the moment, it ultimately does not
address the root cause of stress and
depression.
But don’t throw out your teen’s mobile
devices just yet (for many families that’s
just not realistic). Integrating these
small but mighty tips can be a big step
toward teaching your daughter how to
balance technology and mental
wellness.
1. Have technology-free family
time
Parents should model healthy behaviors
for how to interact and communicate.
This means unplugging and
authentically connecting face to face. It
can be as simple as a no-screen policy
at dinnertime. Sure, it may seem simple,
but family-oriented activities have been
infiltrated by electronic devices.
Children learn how to communicate,
interact, and express their thoughts and
feelings by watching their parents. This
learning doesn’t stop in the teen years.
Implementing tech-free time also opens
up the door for teens to disclose
thoughts and feelings they may not
otherwise offer up. What matters is
setting a limit and sticking to it.
2. Encourage self-imposed limits
for technology use
Talk to your teen about the importance
of setting her own limits on technology
use. Encourage her to even monitor her
mood and stress level while using
technology — and to recognize if she
needs to take a break. This type of self-
monitoring will facilitate your teen’s
awareness of potential negative
influences of technology. It also allows
opportunities for the practice of
prudence, self-regulation, and
reflection. Invite her to come up with a
reasonable time limit for technology use
throughout the day.
3. Teach healthy expectations
for social media use
Don’t let social media become an overly
important part of your teen’s self-
identity. The practice of comparison
may influence how teens interpret
media messages, which are known to
influence self-concept factors like body
image. Explain how social media
overwhelmingly showcases a skewed
image of a person that is not always
based in reality. Discuss the importance
of moderation when using social media
as a communication tool, emphasizing
both the positive and negative aspects of
its use. Social media can be a great way
for your teen to stay connected with her
friends by sharing experiences,
thoughts, and feelings. But social media
should always be used as a way to
supplement — not replace — IRL
relationships. Encourage your teen to
continue spending quality in-person
time with her friends and to regularly
participate in activities promoting
positive self-growth, like a spiritual
retreat.
4. Teach healthy coping/stress
management strategies
Practicing simple mindfulness
techniques can also help teens
experiencing stress from social media
recognize thoughts as thoughts, not
one’s identity. Encouraging your teen to
regularly exercise mindfulness
techniques — such as focusing on the
physical experience of breathing,
progressive muscle relaxation, or
engaging in prayer — can steer
attention away from negative thoughts
and worry, increase tolerance for
uncomfortable feelings, and help your
teen to stay focused in the present.
5. Watch for behavior changes
and seek help
If you notice your teen seems more
irritable or sad than usual, withdrawn,
disinterested in socializing, has changes
in sleep or appetite patterns, or any
other major behavior change, don’t
hesitate to talk to her about it. Directly
address these concerns with your teen,
and talk to her doctor or a licensed
mental health professional. There are
many great treatments for depression,
and professional help can prevent
escalation of symptoms.
Try these tips at home, and remember
to keep the lines of communication with
your teen open.
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